Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer-inclusive, health-informed, pleasure-inclusive, sex-positive journalist and educator who creates written, infographic, audio and video content at the intersection of LGBTQ+ issues, sexual health, wellness, and pleasure. Note: Unlike a threesome, a cuckolding scene would have one person sitting on the sidelines. "But for others it can be a more open term just to refer to the thrill of watching your lover partner with another while you sit on the sidelines," she says. For some people, the act of watching a partner have sex with someone else - for instance, someone with a larger penis or more sexual skills - is humiliating, and it's this emotional sensation that turns them on. Typically, when someone uses the term cuckold, it implies that humiliation is involved, she says. "The thrill of watching your lover have sex with another person is something that folks across the gender spectrum can find exciting and kinky," Deysach says. Historically, the term was used specifically to refer to married men who wanted to watch their wives have sex with other men, but according to Deysach, the term can be applied to folks of any gender, sexuality, or marital status. Someone has a cuckolding kink when they enjoy watching their partner have sex with other people - either in the same room, or via Facetime or video, Deysach says. Below, kink educators explain 20 of the most common kinks, outlining why someone might think it's hot and sharing tips for your own sexperiments. Semantics of kink versus fetish aside, there's no shortage of things people might be into in the bedroom (or, uh, dungeon). To put it simply, a kink is something you do to get turned on, while a fetish is a thing you need to get turned on. While a kink expresses an interest in a sexual act, "a fetish is a fixation on an object or body part for sexual gratification," Frye-Nekrasova says. Note, however, that a kink is different from a fetish.
Still, about half the population reports having interest in at least one non-vanilla sex act. Meanwhile, others might say they're kinky because whips and chains excite them. Some individuals might say they have a doggy style kink because they like to hit it from the back, for instance. "It's entirely subjective," Frye-Nekrasova says. Of course, what qualifies as ordinary sex - or vanilla sex - varies by person, as well as cultural context, and so does what qualifies as kinky.
"A kink is a sexual interest that is outside of the ordinary," says certified sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, founder of The Millennial Sexpert and educator with Lovehoney. It also refers to your sexual preferences. As any pleasure-seeker or social scroller knows, a kink isn't just a knot in your neck.